My Grandmother Was a Constellation
“My grandmother was grace, love, peace, and wisdom. I feel as though there aren’t enough adjectives or words in the English dictionary that will describe everything my grandmother was. She was the pillar in our family, my safe place and confidant, a God fearing woman and the true epitome of a unique soul. She was the calm in the storm and the saving grace to many. She was the listening ear, and the strength that many can only dream of. My grandmother was beautiful and kind. My grandmother was my world!”
These are the words of Jasmine, written so beautifully and potently in honor of her Grandmother. I am always deeply inspired by people who have extraordinary stories that display the rich tapestry of what family and kinship actually looks like in the Black community. We are not only raised by mothers, we are sometimes raised by extended family, chosen kin, and people whose love feels like something that has been a part of us since birth. I have enjoyed seeing Jasmine share across socials her deep-rooted love for her grandmother and in her passing wanted to use this platform as a place to archive and highlight the depths of that love. Enjoy with me an interview I shared with Jasmine that holds lessons of love, divine wisdom, guidance, and the light that only grandmothers can leave behind in their ascension.
Q: Did your grandmother raise you and how did you come about being in her care?
J: Yes, my grandmother raised me. I spent a lot of time with my grandmother as a small child. When my parents would go to work, she would watch me. She would take me to school and pick me up. I would spend the night at her house most weekends. When I was nine years old, my mother shared a story with me about her mother (my maternal grandmother, whom I never met). She told me how she waslaying in bed with her mother and she and her siblings realized that she was not breathing. Hearing that story at a young age really had an impact on me. I told my mom that since I did not meet her mother, I wanted to be there for and take care of the grandmother I did have. So, I asked to spend the night over at my grandparent’s house and I never went back home. I stayed with my grandparents until I graduated from high school and went off to college.
Q: What are some of the benefits you can see from being raised by your grandmother or having her as such an integral part of your life?
J: There are so many benefits I see from being raised by my grandmother. For example, my grandmother was a Christian woman who lived for Jesus. She taught me the importance of building and having my own relationship with Christ. To this day, I believe that this is the most important benefit that I’ve gained because it is what’s keeping me going at this very moment. Having my grandmother as such an integral part of my life has allowed me to have wisdom and knowledge that most women my age have to live through life to get. I am often told that I have an “old soul”. I believe that my drive, work ethic, values, and morals are different from many because of my grandmother's influence. The reason I am so ambitious about my education is because of my grandmother. My father’s highest level of education is a high school diploma, and my mother’s is junior high. My determination to exceed their level of education was due to my grandmother instilling the importance of education and encouraging me that I can do anything I put my mind to.
Q: Did your grandmother work? What was her occupation and her educational life like?
J: My grandmother did not have a government job or formal career. However, she worked as a servant for the Lord by teaching Sunday School for over 50 years. Additionally, she was an entrepreneur, selling Avon to her various friends, church members, and family. She even babysat generations of children for over 25 years. My grandmother even worked as a seamstress for many people in her community. Although she never had a career or formal job (my grandfather told her she did not have to work) she fulfilled anything she has ever done to the best of her ability.
My grandmother finished high school from Hale County Training School in Greensboro, Alabama. She had hopes and dreams of going to school to become a teacher but financially was not in the position to do so. Therefore, she stayed home to help take care of her family.
Q: I know you are in the process of grieving your grandmother, how do you honor her memory? Where do you find solace in your grieving?
J: Yes, this process has been just that, a process! To honor her memory, I keep pictures, plants (hers that she grew for me and some that were gifted to me from her homegoing service), and different keepsakes around to keep her close. Recently, a dear friend of mine bought me a memory ring that has the flowers from my grandmother's casket spray embedded into it. I wear it almost daily as a constant reminder of what my grandma meant to me. I find solace in my grieving when people say, “you sound just like your grandmother”, “you act just like grandma”, or “grandma would be so proud”. I also find solace by reflecting on the memories and conversations we had. I love sitting with and talking to her friends. With Thanksgiving being the first major holiday without my grandma I visited and talked to both of her best friends (one being 94). It was something I didn't even know I needed! Moreover, when I am cooking, faced with a challenging task, or going about my daily routine I often think “what would grandma do/say” or “what would she think about this/that” it brings me peace and comfort because I am still making choices and decisions to respect and honor her even without her being here physically. I thoroughly enjoyed making her proud and it’s something about considering her even now, that still brings me joy. I never want to lose sight of what she has taught me.
Q: What was your grandmother's role in the family and how did you see her impact on the community or extended family?
My grandmother was the matriarch of our family. She was one of the oldest living relatives and she was respected as such. She had a significant impact on the community and extended family in various ways. She was always sought out for wisdom, prayer, and guidance from people all over. Everyone knew “Gin Gin” aka Mrs. Small. Her homegoing celebration was a true testament to the impact my grandma had on so many. My grandmother was a listening ear for many and always seeking ways to help others even when she couldn’t help herself. She was selfless and would do anything in her power to be a support to others. A lot of family members would call her with their problems, for a word of prayer, or advice. She made carrying the load look easy! When her sister passed, my Auntie Bertha Lee, she kept close bonds with her children and grandchildren as if they were her own. My grandmother meant so much to so many.
Q: Was your grandmother ever married? What can you take away about relationships from your grandmother's love?
J: Yes, my grandmother was married to my grandfather Earnest Small for almost 60 years before he preceded her in death. They had a beautiful love story, and I am honored that I was able to witness an immeasurable amount of love such as theirs.
When it comes down to what I can take away about relationships from my grandmother's love, is that when you genuinely love and care for someone, do it unconditionally. There was no limit to my grandmother's love! I would say that another key take away would be to keep God at the center of it all. My grandma would always say, love others as Christ loves you. My grandma was a loyal friend and wife. Her and her best friends said that they never had an argument in the 50 plus years they’ve been friends. To me, that says a lot! No relationship is perfect, but what I have learned from my grandmother is that you take time to always look at the pros and cons of your relationship with someone, take it to God in prayer, and listen to what he tells you to do.
Q: What does kinship mean to you?
J: Kinship means that there is a blood connection and/or family tie to someone. To me, kinship is when you have a bond with someone so deep that they will be there to pray for you, love you, support you, encourage you, and do so because it is in their heart – without expecting anything in return and vice versa. I have friends that I consider family that have been there for me in my darkest hour. There is no blood connection, but a connection of the soul. Don’t get me wrong, I do have family that are sacred and dear to me as well, but nothing beats having kinship that is not bloodborne. Kinship is valuable, authentic, and cherished. It is nothing to take lightly or to discredit. Anyone in my life that I consider family and that truly knows me, knows that we are bonded for life blood or not.
Prompts I leave you to ponder from this interview with Jasmine: Who are the people you look to in your life as guiding stars? What constellations of hope, love, and possibility have they left for you? What can you do to appreciate and honor them more in the now?
Jasmine is an Assistant Principal and CEO of Motivated Minds LLC where she strives to encourage young people to embrace and enjoy education.